So much work to do in the next few years, and it’s not about organizing or taking back the country. Taking it back from whom, from what? I can’t identify the enemy, the target. As always, I’ll look to discrete acts, situations and callings to make my move, do what’s right in my own estimation. Others’ fears and interpretations are not my own. Yes, it’s bad. And yes, it’s good. But as my father wisely said as he looked me dead in the eyes, “What difference does it make to your life? Will you change the way you live?”
I don’t know if his words are true, right, wrong or indifferent. It doesn’t matter. The compulsion behind his words was/is desire–to see me healed, less worried, less angry, what he would characterize as “back to normal.” Normal for me looks like balanced anger, kindness, and apathy. Normal. But his urgency snapped the alarm off, shut. The blaring horns insistently blowing, ah, ah, ah, ah!, clicked off. I could not stop hating everyone and everything. My trigger-shot temper could not safety lock. I wanted to gun things down, shoot up the world.
Ironically, that’s what my father threatened to do not three months before, when his world and cancerous body turned in on him, making daily waking like a whack upside the head. He couldn’t take it one day. His cruel temper, the one I inherited, could not be culled from the near mostly normal he maintained.
So, in a way, there’s the same to do as there ever was, even before the world turned riotously dark, sinister-clownish, and despairingly downfallen. Finding my own way never was more than what I was always doing. Being part of the world was always a part time gig anyhow. Not that I didn’t march, protest or speak up. I have. I do. But I don’t have to lose my mind in doing so. That’s the way it has always been. That’s been my normal.
Some allude to a world dystopian, technocratic oligarchs
And corporate heroes, when truth, politics and religion
Are pronounced (often spat) in acerbic yet nostalgic terms.
Never a believer in absolutes, the relativity of all things
Now lapsed into the arbitrariness of myth or reality,
Falsehoods or evidence, justice or gamesmanship,
I crave a concrete proven fact’s acknowledgement,
A shared given or universal ‘yes ‘ we all nod to.
Power is what it has always been about, long plodding
Or devastatingly explosively quick and slaughtering.
The one constant.
I’ve read that if we stop talking about race, patriarchy
And binaries, they will disappear.
No arbitrary superiority shall be pre-ordained.
Our children’s children will not know these prejudices.
But silence can also deafen the voice we hear
Inside ourselves, to assure us–even in the face of fools and fakery–
That we know the difference.