In the gaze of the other

"My mistress' eyes are nothing…"

Weekly Coffee: deep trout

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Credit:http://melodieperrault.bigcartel.com/

“I adore looking down at his face, his mouth and chin wet with my pussy,” she sighs.

An unmistakeable internal wince triggers the 20-second rapid-fire movie reel of analysis playing before my mind’s eye: 

“Why the discomfort at glimpsing a peek into her fucking? It’s not like I’m intruding. Certainly I have outgrown my culturally infused hang-ups about nudity and pleasure long characterized as pornographic guilt sources. And the word “pussy” ceased to make me bristle decades ago, ” I muse.

She and I confess daily details hidden from the public in the corners and crevices of our lives each week for years now. “From whence does this auto-shame come?” I hear a feigned British accent ask inside my head. 

I watch her circle her hollow straw round the inside of the half empty mocha blended drink she seemingly speaks into. Her fingers are long, delicate and deceptively thin for how strong they are. I have seen them finger guitar frets and forcefully rip out knotted laces of a five year old’s shoes with ease. And her lips belong to a much younger woman, half her age, the way they remain stained pink-naked like the color of her fingertips after strumming that guitar. 

The rolling analysis halts at the sound of her voice.

“But he still can’t make me cum.”

Shaking my head, “After all these years…?”

“I know, right? You would think he could figure it out. Of course I don’t give him much help finding his way. I give hints like it’s some sort of treasure hunt or game of you’re-getting-warmer…put your finger here, circle like this, now move here… but I lose interest when the whole lesson becomes teachy and disruptive to the flow. I prefer to masturbate for cumming and leave the loving to him.”

“Hmmm…” I intone. Funny how we parcel the sides of ourselves out like that, almost a division of labor delegation to those who specialize according to training and capability. Who is more trained at knowing a body than its long-exploring owner? And it’s far greater, multiply abundant, to love physically with another than alone. 

“How ’bout dem Ducks,” she mocks, and we’re off to more surface ground.
 

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