What is that sticking out of your ass?
It’s your vibrator.
Why is it there and who said you could use it…there.?
I was cleaning out the bathroom like you told me to do this morning before you left for work when I came across it.
So how did it end up in your ass?
Well, when I was cleaning the sink, I looked under the sink for a fresh sponge since the one I was using was dead. While there, I came across your lipstick, hairbrush, deodorant, hair remover, tweezers, face lotion that smells like you when I kiss you, and then the vibrator…I just got…you know…longing for you.
So you stuck my vibrator up your ass?
Well, yeah. It felt good, like being with you.
Because I’m a pain in the ass?
A lovely pain in the ass I love so much, who makes me feel the warm, ecstatic oozing flow of cum after you touch me where I tell you when I tell you even when that touch spot shifts and moves all over the place for the 20 minutes you are working away at me feverishly trying to ebb and flow with my building, plaining, edging, ebbing, building, plaining, building and exploding, releasing, ahhhhh into the warm syrup of surrender. Yeah, a lovely pain in the ass. I love you.
Yeah, I love you too.
"My mistress' eyes are nothing…"
In the gaze of the other 
That is the best extemporaneous diversion for getting caught in a more than compromising position. Buying into the explanation requires a degree of acceptance most anyone of us would want, that is what counts.
Much like Mrs. Addams, always finding forgiveness and acceptance, a willingness to devote herself to the betterment of anyone that may be in emotional distress. She would would most likely continue with the exact same dialogue had she stumbled upon Gomez in the dungeon “plaining” on the rack or perhaps the cojoined twins,Flora and Fauna Amore in Atrium.
Love the Morticia comparison as this piece is kind of dead pan wacky.