Beyond Monogamy: exploring the possibilities of the human heart

No Place For Sheep

monogamy not amrried to the idea

Like many of our abstract sacred moral concepts, the cult of monogamy is reified to the degree that it’s considered “natural” for humans to live within its framework. Never mind that people break out all the time, and that the entirely monogamous relationship exists more in the theory than in the practice, still the monogamous ideal dominates our culture’s sexual and loving relationships.

However, “it just is” has never been a persuasive argument for me, and the reification fallacy of misplaced concreteness always comes in useful when thinking about morality.

I’ve wondered often if one of the unacknowledged goals of monogamy is to protect us from experiencing difficult emotions such as jealousy, insecurity, a sense of abandonment, of being displaced by another. Of loss, of insignificance, and so on. These are emotions we first experience in childhood, for some of us when we acquire siblings, and for all of…

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4 Replies to “Beyond Monogamy: exploring the possibilities of the human heart”

  1. There is a monogamy that is like no other, few experience, when the bond of love is mounted on a fire of misbehavior like drugs, crime. Seems odd, like Bonnie and Clyde,…… you are both obsessed with a certain behavior unacceptable to any other, it is something different than love, but there is love. Like being on a rampage, the commitment to each other strong as both know it can’t last, they know their time is short, there is no other lover for that moment. Like you’re both ready to die together. Just weird.

    1. I read about that kind of love or monogamy today in the 8 kinds of psychological love. The one you describe is manic, obsessive or jealous love, though that label is not as pathological as it sounds. It is based on possession, and can burn crazy for a while as you desxribe.

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