Just until I am 16 and can drive, then I will be free…to work, earn money, and buy my own clothes.
Just until I am 18, when I can get the hell out, be on my own.
Just until I am 21 and can drink–legally.
Just until I am 28 and will finally graduate from bull shit schooling, start a life.
Just until I am 35 and can finally give in to the urge to procreate.
Just until I am 40, when I can stop having kids.
Just until I am 45, when the kids are in school and I can work more, go back to school.
Just until I am 48 and get my PhD finished, I can teach locally.
Just until I am 50, I will give myself permission to have a mid-life crisis, go away, learn to surf, dye my hair.
Just until I am 55, when I can make a plan, hold on long enough to finish growing up my kids, get them through college, just another 5 years or so, until I am 60 when I can begin to wait out my term, be on my own watch, do my own thing.
I wait. As we all do. We abide biding time as if time could be had. We are had by time and its illusion. Desire is the expression of suffering we live to fill space with all things but ourselves. There really is no time–just inhale and exhale.